Our wedding

We had a lockdown wedding in December 2020, at Judges Hotel, Kirklevington. Due to covid restrictions we were only allowed 15 guests and no reception, so we improvised a toast in a lay-by near the hotel.

Below are some collected posts taken from our original wedding website.

We chose this song by A-ha's Morten Harket to walk down the aisle to: to represent the choice of real love when you’re an adult; the awareness of time passing; the urgency of making sure you experience this life and everything that’s precious in it.

There aren’t very many of us here, and originally, I wasn’t going to do a speech at all. But I have things I’d like to say to the children who are here. So please bear with me, and it won’t be too long.

I turned 40 this year, which presumably seems totally ancient to those of you who are under 20, but because I’m so ancient there are things I’ve learned that I wanted to share with you. 

Lucy recently asked me what it’s like to be in love, so what I said to her then I’ll say again now. For me, I think the key thing is the feeling you have when you look at the person, you think they’re the best and loveliest thing that could exist. That the world is a better place because they are in it. And that no matter how difficult things are, that person in your life glows like a shining light that brightens and sharpens everything around you. 

It’s true that it’s taken me until I turned 40 to get it right. And sometimes you might have to wait a long time before finding the right person. And you may not get it right first time. But there’s really no such thing as getting it wrong. You learn from every choice in life, and sometimes even relationships that don’t work in the end, have wonderful consequences such as the two amazing people I’ve somehow produced who are here today.

So how do I think you should choose the right person?

1. Choose someone who makes you laugh. If you can laugh every day with someone, that is a source of utter lifelong joy. Laughter is seriously underrated. It’s my number one relationship advice.
2. Choose someone who is enthusiastic about you, and who you are enthusiastic about. Not just someone who seems to like you or fancy you. Someone who is thrilled to be with you, excited about you, who is totally chuffed to be by your side. Someone who you want to champion and fight for, and someone who you know is a fantastic and interesting and worthwhile person and that everyone else should realise it. Because every one of you are wonderful, interesting, worthwhile and fantastic human beings. So I’d suggest choosing someone who understands and sees who you really are, and thinks that who you are is just totally great. Rachel and I as your mums already know this, so you just need to find a person who also knows this.
3. Choose someone you like. This may seem a totally ridiculous one. But it’s tremendously important. When you know you really, really like the true person that they are, when it comes to getting married and making a lifetime commitment to them in front of your family, you’ll also know, for sure, without a shadow of a doubt about whether you’re doing the right thing, or whether it’s the right time, or will you regret it, etc etc…. When it’s the right person, you won’t need to worry about any of those things, as it will be totally obvious that when you are both 80, you will be telling them about the book you just read or planning your next trip or even discussing what film to watch or what flavour of tea to buy, and you will be chuffed to be doing so with them, because you just like them. 

Obviously in conclusion, the abbreviated version, Matthew is just great, and it’s my utter joy to be able to say so in front of my favourite people. 

This is absolutely lovely, and almost perfect, and despite the obvious that we can’t have a party with music and dancing like we’d hoped, is that my unofficial sister Erinn can’t be here, who’s the only other person apart from Matthew who I’ve “chosen” as a family member. I didn’t choose the rest of you… lol

So it’s not quite right to do it without her, but we will be putting it right in 2022 when we will have a proper celebration. 

Thank you to everyone, so I’d like to propose two toasts. 

To bear a ring is to be alone. This task was appointed to Daniel. And if he hadn’t found a way, no-one would have. 

I don’t have a literal star to give him, but I think the kind of star Tolkien was talking about here as a gift to the ring bearer isn’t something literal, but it’s about something that we find within us.  “the light of Eärendil’s star, set amid the waters of the fountain. It will shine still brighter when night is about you. May it be a light to you in dark places, when all other lights go out.” To Daniel!

When we have our 2022 party, we’ll clearly have to have more of the excellent leaf scattering we’ve had today, as my official niece April will definitely be joining in and so will Erinn’s daughter and my unofficial niece Ophelia. So when you take a sip in a second, do take a mini sip for my littlest nieces April and Ophelia.

I knew that Lucy’s name meant light, and when I looked it up I learnt that Caroline’s name means ‘free’. I think there are true aspects of your personalities in those meanings. You’re both excellent human beings that make the world a better place. Thank you both very much for helping today and I’m really glad you were able to do it together. So the final toast here is to… Lucy and Caroline!

Before you worry about how long I’m going to speak, in the rain, can I tell you that I’ve timed myself and it lasts less than three minutes.

Any wedding is about the happiness of 2 people, but when Victoria and Matthew got together the lives of 4 people were transformed and it says great things about this marriage that Victoria and Matthew have been so determined to go ahead with their wedding after 2 cancellations and all the restrictions – and also that Rachel, Ben, Caroline and April and Christine, Brian, Helen and Kevin have travelled so far and gone to so much trouble to be here this afternoon – thank you to all of you.

It’s not my job to thank the flower girls, but as they are my lovely granddaughters, I’m going to do so anyway – well done girls. You were great. I was also thinking how absolutely lovely it is that 10 years ago all but a month, Daniel was a page boy at Rachel’s wedding and that today Caroline has been able to play her part in Victoria’s.

I have Caroline’s playlist on my phone and most of you know about Daniel’s interest in Nordic folklore but I’m not sure that either will agree with the particular part of Swedish culture that I’m going to say is relevant this afternoon – and it’s not IKEA or Volvo. What I was thinking is that when Victoria and Matthew met at North Yorkshire Library service, they both knew that they had met their Waterloo. You know where I’m going with this …

Matthew thought Mamma Mia and Victoria sent an S O S when they each realised that ‘I have a dream’. No doubt they said to each other ‘Take a Chance on Me’ and started calling each other ‘Honey, Honey’. (This is ending soon, I promise). I’m not sure who said ‘Voulez Vous’ – I won’t go there – but they soon realised The Name of the Game. Matthew no doubt thinks of Victoria as his Dancing Queen and I know that Victoria sees Matthew as her Super Trouper.

So, this afternoon they’ve said ‘I do, I do, I do, I do, I do’ and I say, Thank you for the Music, and I won’t keep you any longer in the cold so can I propose a toast to Matthew and Victoria – Live Long and Prosper.

It’s so nice to be here with you all, in such utterly normal circumstances. In this lay-by. I’d like to start by congratulating Norman on his speech.

I’ve done my research, and apparently one of the fundamental elements of a best man’s speech is to read messages from and make reference to any guests who couldn’t be with us today. However, I’m not sure we’ve got time for all of that…

So, I’d like to move on to congratulating the happy couple on their marriage. It must have felt on numerous occasions this year that fate was against you, but you’ve done it! And be it an elaborate ceremony for 100s of guests, or an efficient, slimmed-down, mid-pandemic affair, the most important thing is that you are now married and ready to spend the rest of your lives together.

I’ve known Matthew a long time – admittedly not as long as some of you! And I have seen Victoria bring the best out of him, and seen how happy she has made him.

After all, a few years ago this was a man seemingly destined to live his life as some sort of weird hermit, offloading all of his physical possession and existing on just a juice-based diet. This is a man I’ve seen pass out apologetically on a bus after a marathon. A man who never had any milk in the house, or if he did, it was ‘weird’ milk.

But now, of course, so many things have changed. Albeit not the milk. Matthew and Victoria have each other, and with Daniel and Lucy they form a loving family. And Matthew, as your friend, that is all I’ve ever wanted to see for you.

Tradition decrees that a best man’s speech should contain a poem or a quotation. So, I’ve decided to take a few words from the much revered work ‘Terminator 2: Judgement Day’ where John Connor declares:

“There is no fate but what we make for ourselves”

So please join me in wishing Victoria and Matthew the very best of fates, and the very best of futures. To Victoria and Matthew.

We posted this video on the day we should have got married, in May 2020, but we were in lockdown instead.